my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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