He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
