dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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