Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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