I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
