Ambien. No doubt about it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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