I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
