its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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