OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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