Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
