just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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