You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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