I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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