I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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