god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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