So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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