I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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