it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
