I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
