i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
