Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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