Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she woke up with a sticky ear
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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