I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
