I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
