i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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