The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so let's talk penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
