For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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