Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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