I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
