Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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