She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
