I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
