We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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