He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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