we're blogging at a bar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
