I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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