I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
