Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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