id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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