There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
