During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
