Nicole vs. Life
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
