this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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