He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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