I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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