Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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