It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
