It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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