I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
