This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
