Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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