I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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