Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
