You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is not my ceiling
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
