She's JV to your varsity
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
