i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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