She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
