im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
