i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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