Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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