I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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