I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
