Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
