the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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