Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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