so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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