Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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