He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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