Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
