I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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