hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
