i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
