oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Boobs speak an international language.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
