if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
