she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
