i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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