who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
