loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
