okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
