i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
