Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
